Understanding the Anniversary Effect: Navigating Grief on Special Dates After Loss

If you have experienced the death of someone you love, you may have noticed something unexpected as an important date approaches.

A birthday.

A death anniversary.

A wedding anniversary.

A holiday you used to share.

Sometimes, the days leading up to that date feel different. You may become more emotional, tired, anxious, withdrawn, or preoccupied with memories. You might even find yourself wondering why you are struggling when you thought you were doing better.

This experience is often described as an anniversary reaction or anniversary effect.

At Authentic Living London, we hear about this from people who are grieving months or even years after a loss. The reaction can be surprising, particularly when it seems to arrive without an obvious explanation.

Recent research supports the existence of bereavement anniversary reactions, although experiences vary considerably from person to person. A 2025 systematic review examining 58 studies found evidence of psychological and physical reactions around significant bereavement dates, including death anniversaries, birthdays, and other meaningful occasions (Leaune et al., 2025).

Understanding what may be happening can make these periods feel a little less frightening.

What Is the Anniversary Effect?

The anniversary effect refers to emotional, psychological, physical, or behavioural responses that occur around a significant date connected to a loss.

The date itself does not have to be the anniversary of the death.

Perhaps your mother died in February, but her birthday was in July. Maybe your wedding anniversary brings back memories of a spouse who died several years ago. A family holiday, a child's birthday, or even the season in which someone died can become associated with the loss.

For some people, the reaction appears before the date arrives. Others notice it on the day itself or in the days afterward. Some people experience very little change at all.

There is no single pattern.

What matters is recognizing that a difficult emotional response around a meaningful date does not necessarily mean that you are “back at square one.”

Why Can a Date Bring Back So Much Emotion?

Our memories are connected to people, places, routines, seasons, smells, sounds, and significant events. A particular time of year can therefore bring certain memories closer to the surface, sometimes without us consciously realizing what has triggered them.

The anticipation of an important date can matter too.

You may begin thinking about what the day used to look like. Perhaps you remember how your loved one celebrated their birthday or how your family spent the holidays together. You may imagine what they would be doing now or become more aware of the changes that have occurred since their death.

The mind can begin preparing for a difficult date before the date actually arrives.

Recent research supports the idea that anniversary reactions can involve psychological, physical, and behavioural responses, although the strength and timing of those reactions differ considerably between individuals (Leaune et al., 2025).

This also helps explain why an anniversary reaction can sometimes feel as though it came “out of nowhere.” The connection may not become obvious until you stop and notice the date.

What Might an Anniversary Reaction Feel Like?

There is no checklist that everyone will experience.

You might notice increased sadness or find yourself thinking about the person more frequently. Sleep may become more difficult, or you may feel unusually tired and emotionally drained. Some people experience anxiety, irritability, restlessness, or a desire to spend more time alone.

Physical symptoms can occur as well. The 2025 systematic review found reports of physical as well as psychological responses around bereavement anniversaries (Leaune et al., 2025).

For someone whose loved one died in traumatic circumstances, anniversary periods may also bring intrusive memories or trauma-related distress. A recent study examining anniversary reactions across bereavement and other traumatic experiences found increases in post-traumatic stress symptoms around anniversary periods, highlighting the fact that these reactions can involve more than sadness alone (Bruce & Handal, 2025).

An important distinction is that experiencing some of these reactions does not automatically mean you have a mental health disorder.

Grief can be painful.

Grief can also be unpredictable.

Neither fact, by itself, means that something has gone wrong.

Why You Might Feel Worse Before the Anniversary

One of the more surprising aspects of an anniversary reaction is that the lead-up can sometimes be harder than the date itself.

You may notice yourself becoming increasingly emotional during the days or weeks beforehand without immediately understanding why. Once you recognize the upcoming date, the change in your mood may suddenly make more sense.

Anticipation can create its own emotional weight.

You may be imagining the absence before the day even arrives. Memories may become more vivid, and you may find yourself thinking about how different life is now.

This does not happen to everyone, and there is no evidence that every person experiences a predictable period of distress before an anniversary. Research on anniversary reactions describes considerable variation in when symptoms occur and how long they last (Leaune et al., 2025).

If you do notice this pattern, however, recognizing it can help you prepare rather than being caught completely off guard.

An Anniversary Reaction Does Not Mean You Are Going Backward

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that grief does not follow a straight path.

You can have a relatively good month and still find yourself deeply affected by an anniversary.

You can laugh with friends on Friday and cry about your loved one on Saturday.

You can feel that you have adapted to life without someone and still miss them intensely when an important date arrives.

These experiences are not contradictions.

Grief changes over time, but that does not mean memories or emotions disappear permanently. A significant date can temporarily bring aspects of the loss into greater focus.

Rather than viewing an anniversary reaction as a failure or setback, it may be more helpful to understand it as a reminder that the loss remains part of your life story.

Preparing for an Upcoming Anniversary

Knowing that a difficult date is approaching can give you an opportunity to think about what you might need.

Some people find it helpful to make a loose plan rather than allowing the day to unfold entirely by chance. You might decide ahead of time whether you want company or solitude, whether certain activities will feel comforting, and which commitments you would rather postpone.

There is no requirement to spend the day grieving in a particular way.

Perhaps you want to visit a meaningful place. Maybe you would rather go for a long walk and listen to music. A quiet meal with someone who understands may feel right, while another person might find comfort in gathering family together.

The goal is not to create the “perfect” anniversary.

It is to give yourself some choice.

Rituals Can Give the Day Meaning

Rituals can provide structure around significant losses and dates.

You might light a candle, prepare a favourite meal, visit a gravesite, look through photographs, write a letter, plant something in memory of the person, or spend time telling stories about them.

Research examining ritual elements in evidence-informed grief interventions suggests that symbolic activities can play a meaningful role in grief treatment, although the evidence does not establish that any particular ritual will be helpful for everyone (Wojtkowiak et al., 2021).

The most meaningful ritual is often the one that feels authentic to you.

There is no need to follow someone else's tradition.

Let Other People Know What You Need

People around you may not realize that an anniversary is approaching or understand why it matters so much.

A little communication can make the experience easier.

You might tell a friend, “This week is difficult for me because it's the anniversary of my dad's death. I may need some extra support.”

Perhaps what you need is someone to sit with you. Maybe you want a distraction and would rather go for coffee and talk about anything except grief.

Giving people some guidance can help them support you in a way that actually feels useful.

Be Gentle With Your Expectations

An anniversary can be emotionally demanding, so it may help to lower the pressure you place on yourself around that time.

You do not have to attend every event.

You do not have to appear cheerful for everyone else.

You also do not have to spend the entire day feeling sad simply because it is an important date.

It is entirely possible to experience moments of happiness alongside grief.

If you laugh at dinner, that does not mean you miss your loved one any less.

If you have a peaceful day, it does not erase the importance of the person you lost.

If the day is incredibly difficult, that does not mean you have failed to heal.

When an Anniversary Brings More Than Grief

Sometimes an anniversary does more than stir sadness.

For someone who experienced a traumatic death, the date may bring back frightening memories or intense physical reactions. Someone already struggling with depression, anxiety, or prolonged grief may find that the anniversary significantly worsens their symptoms.

Research has also examined more serious outcomes around bereavement anniversaries. For example, a 2023 Danish population-based study investigated self-harm and suicide around anniversaries following bereavement by suicide and other causes, reflecting the importance of paying attention to significant dates when someone is already vulnerable (Pitman et al., 2023).

This does not mean that an anniversary automatically creates a crisis.

It does mean that significant dates can be worth discussing with a therapist if you know they tend to be particularly difficult for you.

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, or feel unable to keep yourself safe, seek immediate professional or emergency support rather than trying to manage the experience alone.

When Should You Reach Out for Grief Support?

An anniversary reaction does not necessarily require therapy. Sometimes understanding what is happening, preparing for the date, and leaning on people you trust is enough.

Professional support may be helpful when the reaction feels overwhelming or begins interfering significantly with everyday life. You might find that you cannot concentrate at work, your relationships are suffering, your sleep has deteriorated, or the emotional response continues well beyond the anniversary period.

Therapy can also be valuable when an anniversary brings up complicated feelings that you have never had the opportunity to explore.

Perhaps there is guilt surrounding the death.

Maybe you have unresolved anger.

The circumstances of the loss may have been traumatic.

You may be struggling with a relationship that was complicated even before the person died.

There is no requirement to wait until these feelings become unbearable.

Moving Through the Anniversary With Compassion

An anniversary can remind you of something that cannot be changed: someone you love is no longer physically here.

That reality can hurt.

It can also remind you of the relationship itself, the memories you created, and the ways that person continues to have a place in your life.

Recent research suggests that anniversary reactions are a genuine phenomenon, but they are also highly individual. Some people experience pronounced psychological or physical reactions, while others notice little change. The timing, intensity, and meaning of an anniversary reaction can vary substantially (Leaune et al., 2025).

You do not need to judge your response against anyone else's.

You do not need to measure your healing by how you feel on one particular day.

Instead, try approaching the anniversary with curiosity and compassion. Notice what comes up, make room for what you are experiencing, and give yourself permission to care for yourself differently when the date carries extra emotional weight.

At Authentic Living London, we understand that grief does not follow a calendar, even when particular dates can make it feel especially close.

Our therapists provide compassionate, non-judgmental support for people navigating bereavement, complicated grief, traumatic loss, and major life transitions. Whether you are preparing for a difficult anniversary or trying to understand why an old wave of grief has suddenly returned, therapy can provide a space to explore what is happening without judgment or pressure to “move on.”

If an upcoming anniversary is weighing on you, you do not have to face it alone.

Authentic Living London offers grief counselling and psychotherapy in London, Ontario, with both in-person and online appointments available. Contact us at 226-224-0301 or info@authenticlivinglondon.com to learn more or schedule a consultation.

This article is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized psychological or medical care. Grief experiences vary considerably from person to person. If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, or feel unable to stay safe, seek immediate professional or emergency support.

References

Bruce, M. J., & Handal, P. J. (2025). Constructivist correlates to anniversary reactions across bereavement and sexual violence. OMEGA—Journal of Death and Dying, 90(3). https://doi.org/10.1177/00302228221114986

Leaune, E., Lau-Taï, P., & Pitman, A. (2025). The phenomenon of bereavement anniversary reactions: An integrative systematic review. Death Studies, 50(9), 1528–1545. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2025.2513997

Pitman, A., Logeswaran, Y., McDonald, K., et al. (2023). Investigating risk of self-harm and suicide on anniversaries after bereavement by suicide and other causes: A Danish population-based self-controlled case series study. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 32, e53. https://doi.org/10.1017/S2045796023000653

Wojtkowiak, J., Lind, J., & Smid, G. E. (2021). Ritual in therapy for prolonged grief: A scoping review of ritual elements in evidence-informed grief interventions. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 11, 623835. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.623835