Understanding Self Harm in Adolescents: Myths, Signs, and How to Help
- 7 days ago
- 4 min read
Self harm is something many parents never imagine their child could struggle with. It can be scary, confusing, and heartbreaking to discover that a young person you care about is hurting themselves. For many adolescents, self harm is not about wanting to die. It is often a way to cope with overwhelming feelings, intense pressure, or emotional pain that feels too big to manage alone. By understanding what self harm really is and learning what to look for, parents and caregivers can play a powerful role in supporting their teen through this difficult experience.
Debunking Common Myths About Self Harm
Myth 1: Only teens with severe mental illness self harm. Self harm can affect any adolescent, even those who seem high functioning, social, or successful. It is not limited to one type of person. It is a coping mechanism, not a personality trait.
Myth 2: Self harm is just attention seeking. Most adolescents hide their injuries because they feel ashamed or scared. Self harm is usually a private attempt to manage intense emotions, not a way to get attention. If a young person tells someone or shows their injuries, it is often because they feel desperate and want help.
Myth 3: If a teen self harms, they are suicidal. Self harm and suicidal intent are not the same. Some adolescents self harm to avoid suicidal thoughts because the physical pain distracts them from emotional distress. That said, self harm can increase risk over time, which is why early support is so important.
Myth 4: They will stop if you take away the tools. Removing objects does not address the root problem. Adolescents need emotional support, coping strategies, and a safe space to talk about what they are feeling.
Signs That an Adolescent May Be Self Harming
Self harm can be hard to spot because many teens go to great lengths to hide it. Some common signs include:
Wearing long sleeves or pants even in hot weather
Unexplained cuts, burns, bruises, or scratches
Avoiding activities where skin would be visible, such as swimming
Blood stains on clothing or bedding
Sharp objects going missing
Spending a lot of time alone, especially in the bathroom or bedroom
Sudden changes in mood, such as irritability, sadness, or withdrawal
Expressions of hopelessness or feeling overwhelmed
Parents should remember that no single sign confirms self harm. It is the pattern and overall shift in behaviour that matters most.
How Parents Can Support a Teen Who May Be Self Harming
If you suspect your child is self harming, approach them with calm curiosity instead of fear or anger. Teens need understanding, not punishment or lectures.
Here are some ways parents can help:
Start with compassion. Use gentle, open questions like, “I have noticed you seem stressed lately. How have you been feeling?” This helps your teen feel safe rather than judged.
Stay regulated yourself. Your child will remember how you responded. Stay steady so they can feel secure enough to talk.
Validate their feelings. Instead of trying to fix the problem immediately, acknowledge their pain. You might say, “It sounds like things feel really heavy for you right now.”
Do not demand answers. Some teens do not know how to explain why they self harm. Let them share at their own pace.
Focus on connection instead of control. Teens heal through supportive relationships, not strict rules or threats.
Seek professional help. A therapist can help your adolescent understand their emotions more clearly and teach healthier ways to cope. Therapy also gives parents tools to support their child without feeling powerless.
How Adolescents Can Help Themselves
If a teen is using self harm to cope, they deserve understanding and better tools. Some helpful strategies include:
Learning to identify emotions. Many adolescents self harm because they feel overwhelmed and do not know how to express what is happening inside them. Naming the feeling is the first step to managing it.
Practicing grounding techniques. Breathing exercises, holding ice, or using sensory tools can help calm the body during intense moments.
Replacing self harm with safer alternatives. Teens can try drawing red lines on their arms, squeezing a stress ball, or taking a cold shower. These are not long term solutions but can reduce immediate harm.
Reaching out to someone they trust. Talking to a friend, parent, teacher, or therapist can lessen the urge to self harm.
Building a list of coping strategies. This can include music, journaling, walking, art, or anything that helps shift their emotional state. The goal is not perfection but finding healthier ways to deal with pain.
Karissa Paterson: Our Adolescent Specialist
At Authentic Living London, your adolescent does not have to struggle alone. Karissa Paterson is our adolescent specialist and brings deep understanding, warmth, and skill to her work with teens. She creates a safe and welcoming environment where young people can explore their emotions, understand why they might be self harming, and learn healthier ways to cope. Karissa also works closely with parents to help them feel more confident and equipped to support their teen. If your family is navigating self harm or emotional distress, Karissa offers compassionate support and evidence based tools that make a real difference.
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