Relationships and Personality Disorders: Understanding Both Sides

Being in a relationship with someone who has a personality disorder can be both rewarding and challenging. It is also true that for the person living with the personality disorder, being in a relationship can feel complicated and deeply emotional. Understanding both perspectives helps build compassion, reduces stigma, and opens the door to healthier ways of relating.

This blog will explore what it is like to be in a relationship with someone who has a personality disorder, what it can feel like for a person living with a personality disorder to be in a relationship, and what steps can help couples move toward healthier and more balanced connections.

What It’s Like to Be in a Relationship with Someone Who Has a Personality Disorder

When you love someone with a personality disorder, the relationship can feel like it shifts between closeness and conflict. You may experience moments of deep connection and care, followed by periods of tension or withdrawal. For example, a partner with borderline personality disorder may fear abandonment and express this through intense emotions, which can feel overwhelming to the other partner. Someone with avoidant personality disorder may long for closeness but pull back when they feel vulnerable, leaving their partner feeling shut out.

The challenge for many people is that the behaviours linked to a personality disorder are not a reflection of their partner’s love or value, but rather symptoms of the disorder itself. Without this understanding, it can be easy to take things personally or feel blamed for difficulties that are not entirely within your control. Partners often report feeling both devoted and exhausted, wanting to help but unsure of how to maintain their own well-being in the process.

At the same time, there can be meaningful benefits in these relationships. People with personality disorders often feel deeply, love intensely, and bring unique perspectives that can strengthen a bond. Many partners describe their relationship as passionate and full of moments of profound intimacy, even if those moments are balanced by challenges.

What It’s Like to Have a Personality Disorder and Be in a Relationship

For those living with a personality disorder, relationships can feel both essential and frightening. Many people long for closeness but struggle with trust, self-esteem, or fears of rejection. This can make it hard to believe that a partner truly cares, or it may cause someone to push others away just when they want them most.

It’s important to recognize that people with personality disorders are not trying to make relationships difficult. Their experiences are shaped by patterns of thinking and feeling that are deeply rooted and often painful. They may carry shame about their struggles, feel misunderstood by their partners, or worry that their symptoms make them unlovable. At the same time, many individuals with personality disorders are highly self-aware and deeply motivated to build meaningful, lasting connections. With support, they can learn tools to manage emotions, communicate effectively, and create healthier patterns in their relationships.

The truth is that people with personality disorders can and do have fulfilling relationships. These relationships may require more patience, open communication, and sometimes

professional support, but they are not impossible. In fact, when both partners commit to understanding and growth, the relationship can become stronger than either imagined.

The Pros and Cons

Relationships involving personality disorders often come with a mix of challenges and meaningful rewards. On the more difficult side, partners may experience frequent misunderstandings or miscommunications, and the emotional intensity of the relationship can sometimes lead to burnout or feelings of being overwhelmed. Trust, boundaries, and emotional regulation can also be difficult to maintain, creating cycles of tension that may feel hard to break.

At the same time, these relationships can be deeply rewarding. Many couples experience a strong sense of connection, loyalty, and commitment. The emotional depth and sensitivity that a partner with a personality disorder brings can foster empathy, intimacy, and personal growth for both individuals. With patience, awareness, and support, these relationships can cultivate resilience and a richer understanding of one another, offering moments of profound closeness alongside the challenges.

How Therapy Can Help

Therapy provides a safe space to explore these relationship dynamics. Individual therapy can help someone with a personality disorder understand their patterns, develop healthier coping strategies, and find new ways of relating. Therapy can also help partners who are struggling with feelings of confusion, burnout, or loss of connection.

Couples therapy is especially valuable when both partners want to work together. With the guidance of a therapist, couples can learn how to communicate more effectively, set boundaries, and build a stronger foundation of trust.

Moving Toward Healthier Relationships

Whether you are the partner of someone with a personality disorder or living with one yourself, therapy can play an important role. It offers a space to understand how the disorder affects your relationship and to develop strategies for managing conflict, building trust, and strengthening intimacy. Couples therapy can help both partners communicate openly and find a balance between care and independence.

At Authentic Living London, Sandra Graham specializes in working with people who have

personality disorders, as well as with partners and couples navigating these challenges. She provides a compassionate, non-judgmental space where you can explore your relationship dynamics, gain clarity, and learn practical tools to move forward.

If you are searching for support, whether individually or as a couple, therapy can help you understand one another on a deeper level and create a healthier, more balanced relationship. You do not have to navigate this alone.

CLICK HERE to book a free 15 minute consultation today.