Is the Way I'm Coping a Problem?

When coping starts costing more than it gives

Most coping habits start as something that works. A glass of wine takes the edge off a hard day. An hour of scrolling quiets the noise in your head. A late-night online order gives you a small lift when nothing else does.

None of that makes you broken. Research on addiction describes how a behaviour that first brings relief or pleasure can, over time, become something a person keeps doing mainly to escape stress and difficult emotions (Koob & Volkow, 2016). Your mind found a way to get you through, and for a while, it did its job.

The question usually creeps in later. Maybe you need a little more to get the same relief. Maybe someone made a comment that stung. Or maybe you just have a quiet feeling that something has shifted. If you're asking whether the way you're coping has become a problem, that question deserves a real answer, not a lecture.

Signs your coping may be costing you

Whether something is a problem isn't decided by how much or how often. It's decided by what it's costing you. Some signs worth noticing:

• You reach for it automatically. It's less of a choice and more of a reflex when stress, boredom or loneliness shows up.

• You need more to get the same effect. One drink becomes three, or a quick bet becomes a whole evening.

• You've tried to cut back and it hasn't stuck. Addiction research describes a gradual shift from controlled use toward a loss of control, which is why good intentions alone often aren't enough (Koob & Volkow, 2016).

• You hide it or downplay it. You keep it private, or you explain it away before anyone asks.

• It's crowding out other things. Sleep, money, work, relationships or things you used to enjoy are getting less of you.

• The relief is shorter and the aftermath is longer. The good part fades faster, and the guilt, anxiety or exhaustion sticks around.

This applies to substances like alcohol, cannabis and prescription medication. It also applies to behaviours like gambling, gaming, shopping and compulsive internet use, which researchers increasingly understand as developing through similar processes: personal vulnerabilities, emotional reactions and coping styles interacting over time (Brand et al., 2019). Behavioural habits can be especially lonely, because they're easier to hide and less often taken seriously.

You don't need to check every box. If even one of these sounds familiar and it bothers you, that's reason enough to look at it more closely.

What is the habit doing for you?

Addiction is rarely about the substance or behaviour on its own. It's usually about what that thing does for you. It might quiet anxiety, numb grief, fill the silence after a long day, or give you a sense of control when life feels like it has none.

Research supports this. A meta-analysis of 95 studies found a consistent link between difficulties managing emotions and substance use (Weiss et al., 2022). Another found that adults with substance use disorders have more trouble regulating their emotions than adults without them (Stellern et al., 2023).

That's why willpower alone often doesn't work. If you take away a coping strategy without anything to replace it, the need it was meeting doesn't disappear. A more useful question than "How do I stop?" is often "What is this helping me get through?" Getting curious about that answer, instead of judging it, is where real change tends to begin.

You don't have to quit before you start therapy

Many people put off reaching out because they think they need to stop first, or be sure it's "bad enough." Shame and fear of judgement are common reasons people delay getting help (Hammarlund et al., 2018). But you don't need to have stopped, or to have decided anything, to begin. People come to therapy while still using, while cutting down, after a period of not using, and after a return to use.

Stopping completely also isn't the only goal that can work. A meta-analysis of alcohol treatment found no significant difference in outcomes between programs aiming for reduced drinking and programs aiming for abstinence in randomized trials. Controlled drinking, especially with psychotherapy support, was a viable option for many people (Henssler et al., 2021).

In therapy, you won't be met with ultimatums or alarm. Collaborative, non-confrontational approaches such as motivational interviewing have shown modest benefits for reducing alcohol and substance use (Frost et al., 2018). Together with your therapist, you can:

• Get clear on what the habit is costing you and what it's giving you

• Understand the feelings, situations or patterns that drive it

• Build other ways to meet those needs, at a pace that feels manageable

• Decide what change you actually want, whether that's cutting back, stopping or something in between

We're an outpatient psychotherapy clinic, not a detox or residential program. If you need a higher level of care, your therapist will help you find it.

You're allowed to ask for support

Asking "Is this a problem?" is not a confession. It's a sign that part of you is paying attention, and that part deserves to be listened to. Shame and guilt can either keep people stuck or help them change, depending on whether they're met with harsh self-blame or with support that treats the person as capable of change (Snoek et al., 2021).

At Authentic Living London, our therapists support people with addiction and coping behaviours, and the family members who love them. We offer sessions in person in London, Ontario, and virtually anywhere in Ontario.

If you're not sure where to start, book a free 15-minute consultation or call or text us at (226) 224-0301. Come as you are. You don't need to have it figured out.

If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 any time.

References

Brand, M., Wegmann, E., Stark, R., Müller, A., Wölfling, K., Robbins, T. W., & Potenza, M. N. (2019). The Interaction of Person-Affect-Cognition-Execution (I-PACE) model for addictive behaviors: Update, generalization to addictive behaviors beyond internet-use disorders, and specification of the process character of addictive behaviors. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 104, 1–10. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2019.06.032

Frost, H., Campbell, P., Maxwell, M., O'Carroll, R. E., Dombrowski, S. U., Williams, B., Cheyne, H., Coles, E., & Pollock, A. (2018). Effectiveness of motivational interviewing on adult behaviour change in health and social care settings: A systematic review of reviews. PLOS ONE, 13(10), Article e0204890. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0204890

Hammarlund, R., Crapanzano, K. A., Luce, L., Mulligan, L., & Ward, K. M. (2018). Review of the effects of self-stigma and perceived social stigma on the treatment-seeking decisions of individuals with drug- and alcohol-use disorders. Substance Abuse and Rehabilitation, 9, 115–136. https://doi.org/10.2147/SAR.S183256

Henssler, J., Müller, M., Carreira, H., Bschor, T., Heinz, A., & Baethge, C. (2021). Controlled drinking—non-abstinent versus abstinent treatment goals in alcohol use disorder: A systematic review, meta-analysis and meta-regression. Addiction, 116(8), 1973–1987. https://doi.org/10.1111/add.15329

Koob, G. F., & Volkow, N. D. (2016). Neurobiology of addiction: A neurocircuitry analysis. The Lancet Psychiatry, 3(8), 760–773. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2215-0366(16)00104-8

Snoek, A., McGeer, V., Brandenburg, D., & Kennett, J. (2021). Managing shame and guilt in addiction: A pathway to recovery. Addictive Behaviors, 120, Article 106954. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2021.106954

Stellern, J., Xiao, K. B., Grennell, E., Sanches, M., Gowin, J. L., & Sloan, M. E. (2023). Emotion regulation in substance use disorders: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Addiction, 118(1), 30–47. https://doi.org/10.1111/add.16001

Weiss, N. H., Kiefer, R., Goncharenko, S., Raudales, A. M., Forkus, S. R., Schick, M. R., & Contractor, A. A. (2022). Emotion regulation and substance use: A meta-analysis. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 230, Article 109131. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.drugalcdep.2021.109131