Why New Year’s Resolutions Typically Don’t Work — And What To Do Instead

Every January, many of us make promises to ourselves about the year ahead. We decide that this will be the year we exercise regularly, finally deal with our anxiety, spend less money, become more organized, improve our relationships, or make time for ourselves.

There is something hopeful about a fresh start.

But when our motivation fades or life gets in the way, it can be easy to turn that disappointment inward. We may decide that we lack discipline, that we are terrible at following through, or that something is wrong with us.

The truth is more encouraging than that.

New Year's resolutions are not destined to fail. In fact, research suggests that many people are able to maintain their resolutions. In a large study of more than 1,000 people, 55% of those who responded at one-year follow-up considered themselves successful in sustaining their resolution. The researchers also found that people with approach-oriented goals, such as working toward something positive, were more successful than those whose goals focused primarily on avoiding something. (Oscarsson et al., 2020)

So perhaps the question is not whether you have enough willpower.

Perhaps it is whether the way you are approaching change is actually giving you a reasonable chance of succeeding.

Why Good Intentions Can Be Hard to Turn Into Change

Wanting something to change is important, but wanting it is not always enough to make it happen.

Goals can give us direction. A large meta-analysis found that goal-setting interventions have a small but meaningful positive effect on behaviour change. More recent research has similarly found that specific goals can help people change particular behaviours. (McEwan et al., 2018; French et al., 2024)

The challenge is that a goal describes where you want to go. It does not necessarily tell you how you are going to get there.

“I want to exercise more” is a goal.

Knowing when, where, and how you will exercise makes that goal much easier to translate into action.

The same principle applies to emotional goals. “I want to manage my anxiety better” is a meaningful intention, but it becomes more useful when you begin to define what managing anxiety might actually look like in your everyday life.

Perfection Can Make Change Harder

One of the easiest ways to make a new goal unsustainable is to make it dependent on doing everything perfectly.

If you decide you will exercise every single day, eat perfectly, meditate every morning, or never lose your temper again, one difficult day can make it feel as though you have failed completely.

Real life is rarely that predictable.

A more sustainable approach allows room for setbacks without turning them into evidence that the entire effort was pointless. Missing a workout does not mean you have abandoned your goal. Having an anxious day does not erase the progress you have made. Falling back into an old pattern for a while does not mean you are incapable of changing it.

Progress is usually more useful to measure over time than from one day to the next.

Motivation Matters, But It Is Not Everything

Motivation is often treated as though it should be the engine behind every change.

The problem is that motivation naturally fluctuates.

A goal may feel exciting on January 1 and considerably less exciting several weeks later. That does not necessarily mean you no longer care about it. It may simply mean that the initial enthusiasm has worn off.

Research on motivation suggests that the quality of motivation matters. When people feel that a behaviour reflects their own values and choices rather than pressure, punishment, or the desire to avoid criticism, they tend to show better engagement with behaviour change. Meta-analytic research has found that interventions designed to support autonomous motivation can produce positive, although generally modest, changes in health behaviour. (Ntoumanis et al., 2021; Gillison et al., 2020)

That is worth considering when you set a goal.

Instead of asking only, “What should I change?” it can help to ask, “Why does this matter to me?”

Start Smaller Than You Think You Need To

Big goals can be motivating, but small behaviours are often easier to repeat.

If your goal is to become more active, you might begin with a short walk rather than creating an ambitious exercise schedule you cannot realistically maintain. If you want to become more organized, you might choose one small area of your home instead of trying to reorganize everything at once.

This is not about lowering your standards. It is about creating behaviour that you can actually repeat.

Recent research on habit formation supports this idea while also challenging another common misconception: habits do not necessarily take exactly 21 days to form. A 2024 systematic review and meta-analysis found that the time required to develop health-related habits varied considerably between people and behaviours. Some studies reported median or mean habit-formation times of roughly two months or longer, with substantial individual variation. (Singh et al., 2024)

The important part is not hitting a particular number of days.

It is repetition.

Make the Desired Behaviour Easier

If you are relying entirely on willpower, you are making the process harder than it needs to be.

Your environment can either support a behaviour or create friction around it. Putting your walking shoes somewhere visible, scheduling time for exercise, keeping healthy foods readily available, or setting a reminder for an important task can make it easier to follow through.

You can also make the behaviour more specific.

Rather than saying, “I am going to take better care of myself,” you might decide that you will spend ten minutes outside after lunch on weekdays. Rather than “I need to work on my relationships,” you might decide to put your phone away for twenty minutes each evening so you can be more present with your partner or family.

The more clearly a behaviour fits into your existing life, the less you have to depend on remembering or feeling motivated in the moment.

Choose Goals That Move You Toward Something

The language we use when setting goals can matter.

In the large New Year's resolution study mentioned earlier, people whose resolutions were framed as things they wanted to approach were more successful than those whose resolutions focused on things they wanted to avoid. For example, a goal centred on developing healthier eating habits may be more motivating than one framed entirely around avoiding certain foods. (Oscarsson et al., 2020)

This does not mean avoidance goals are always ineffective. Sometimes reducing or stopping a behaviour is exactly what someone wants or needs to do.

It does suggest that there can be value in asking what you want to move toward, rather than focusing exclusively on what you want to get away from.

“I want to feel more comfortable in my body” may give you a different emotional direction than “I need to stop hating my body.”

“I want to feel more connected to my partner” may create a different starting point than “We need to stop fighting.”

The goal can still involve meaningful change without being rooted in self-rejection.

Be Kind to Yourself When You Struggle

Self-compassion does not mean letting yourself off the hook.

It means responding to your own difficulties with the same understanding you might offer someone you care about.

Research has found meaningful associations between self-compassion and health-promoting behaviours. A meta-analysis involving almost 30,000 participants found that people with higher self-compassion tended to report more health-promoting behaviour. Research on self-compassion interventions has also found reductions in self-criticism, anxiety, depression, and stress, although the intervention literature has important limitations and more high-quality research is needed. (Phillips & Hine, 2021; Ferrari et al., 2019; Neff et al., 2023)

Self-compassion is therefore not about telling yourself that everything is fine when it is not.

It is being able to say, “This is difficult, I did not handle it the way I wanted to, and I can still figure out what I want to do next.”

That mindset leaves room for learning instead of turning a setback into shame.

You Do Not Have to Change Everything at Once

There is a tendency at the beginning of a new year to look at every part of life, such as your health, finances, home etc. we would like to improve. Trying to transform all of them simultaneously can create an enormous amount of pressure. Instead, consider choosing one area that matters to you and asking what a meaningful first step would look like. Change does not have to be dramatic to matter.

A five-minute walk is still movement. One honest conversation can still change a relationship. Making one appointment can still be a significant act of self-care.

Small actions become more meaningful when they are repeated.

What About Your Identity?

It can also be helpful to think beyond a single outcome.

Instead of focusing entirely on what you want to achieve, consider what kind of life you want to build and what qualities you want to strengthen along the way.

Perhaps you want to become someone who takes their own needs seriously. Maybe you want to become more emotionally available in your relationships, more willing to ask for help, or more comfortable setting boundaries.

These are not simply outcomes to check off a list.

They are ways of living.

That shift can make goals feel less like a test you either pass or fail and more like a direction you can keep returning to.

When Change Feels Much Harder Than It Should

Sometimes you know exactly what you want to change and still cannot seem to make it happen.

That can be frustrating, especially when you know what you are “supposed” to do.

But behaviour is influenced by much more than knowledge. Stress, emotions, habits, environment, motivation, relationships, and previous experiences can all affect our ability to follow through.

This is one reason therapy can be useful.

Therapy is not a substitute for personal effort, and it is not a magic solution for changing habits. What it can provide is a space to understand what may be getting in the way and to explore change without reducing the problem to a lack of willpower.

You might discover that procrastination is connected to anxiety. That difficulty setting boundaries is connected to fear of disappointing people. That you keep abandoning goals because the standards you set for yourself are impossible to maintain. Or that a behaviour you want to change has been serving an emotional purpose you had not fully recognized.

Understanding those patterns can give you more choices about what to do next.

You Do Not Have to Wait for January

A new year can be a meaningful opportunity to reflect, but you do not need a particular date to begin making changes.

You can change your goals in March. You can start again in July. You can decide that something needs to be different on an ordinary Tuesday afternoon.

There is no failure in beginning again.

In fact, beginning again may be one of the most important parts of sustainable change.

Therapy at Authentic Living London

If you are trying to make changes in your life but keep finding yourself caught in the same patterns, therapy can provide a supportive place to explore what is happening beneath the surface.

At Authentic Living London, our therapists work with individuals and couples who are navigating anxiety, grief, relationship difficulties, life transitions, self-esteem concerns, trauma, and many other challenges.

You do not need to arrive with a perfectly defined goal. You can simply begin with the feeling that something is not working the way you would like it to.

Together, therapy can help you understand where you are, clarify where you want to go, and identify realistic steps toward meaningful change.

A New Year, Without the Pressure

You do not need to become a completely different person this year.

You do not need perfect discipline, endless motivation, or a flawless plan.

You need goals that matter to you, behaviours that fit into your actual life, enough flexibility to recover when things do not go according to plan, and compassion for yourself along the way.

Change is rarely a straight line.

It is a process of trying, learning, adjusting, and beginning again.

And sometimes, the most meaningful resolution you can make is simply to stop treating yourself as a problem that needs to be fixed.

References

Ferrari, M., Hunt, C., Harrysunker, A., Abbott, M. J., Beath, A. P., & Einstein, D. A. (2019). Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: A meta-analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness, 10, 1455–1473. doi:10.1007/s12671-019-01134-6

French, D. P., et al. (2024). What effect do goal setting interventions have on physical activity and psychological outcomes in insufficiently active adults? A systematic review and meta-analysis. International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, 21, 33. doi:10.1186/s12966-024-01588-3

Gillison, F. B., Rouse, P., Standage, M., Sebire, S. J., & Ryan, R. M. (2020). A meta-analysis of self-determination theory-informed intervention studies in the health domain: Effects on motivation, health behavior, physical, and psychological health. Health Psychology Review, 14(2), 259–281. doi:10.1080/17437199.2019.1629840

McEwan, D., Harden, S. M., Zumbo, B. D., Sylvester, B. D., Kaulius, M., Ruissen, G. R., Beauchamp, M. R., & Rhodes, R. E. (2018). The effectiveness of goal setting interventions for physical activity: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 35, 99–111. doi:10.1016/j.psychsport.2017.11.004

Neff, K. D., Tóth-Király, I., Knox, M. C., Kuchar, A., & Davidson, O. (2023). The development and validation of the State Self-Compassion Scale (long- and short-form). Mindfulness, 14, 168–182. doi:10.1007/s12671-022-02055-3

Ntoumanis, N., Ng, J. Y. Y., Prestwich, A., Quested, E., Hancox, J. E., Thøgersen-Ntoumani, C., Deci, E. L., Ryan, R. M., Lonsdale, C., & Williams, G. C. (2021). A meta-analysis of self-determination theory-informed intervention studies in the health domain: Effects on motivation, health behavior, physical, and psychological health. Health Psychology Review, 15(2), 267–294. doi:10.1080/17437199.2020.1841317

Oscarsson, M., Carlbring, P., Andersson, G., & Rozental, A. (2020). A large-scale experiment on New Year's resolutions: Approach-oriented goals are more successful than avoidance-oriented goals. PLOS ONE, 15(12), e0234097. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0234097

Phillips, W. J., & Hine, D. W. (2021). Self-compassion, physical health, and health behaviour: A meta-analysis. Health Psychology Review, 15(1), 113–139. doi:10.1080/17437199.2019.1705872

Singh, B., Murphy, A., Maher, C., & Smith, A. E. (2024). Time to form a habit: A systematic review and meta-analysis of health behaviour habit formation and its determinants. Healthcare, 12(23), 2488. doi:10.3390/healthcare12232488