Understanding Pet Loss: Why Grieving a Pet Hurts So Deeply

Losing a pet can be devastating.

For many people, a dog, cat, or other companion animal is woven into the fabric of everyday life. They are there when you wake up in the morning, when you come home from work, when you are having a difficult day, and during the quiet moments when you simply want some company. Over time, the relationship can become an important source of companionship, comfort, routine, and emotional connection.

So when a pet dies, the loss can leave a surprisingly large space behind.

And yet, pet loss is sometimes treated as though it should not be a significant source of grief. Someone may say, "It was just a pet," or suggest that you should simply get another animal. Comments like these can make an already painful experience even harder by leaving you feeling that your grief is excessive or somehow inappropriate.

Research on pet bereavement suggests that this lack of recognition is an important part of the experience for many people. A systematic review of 48 studies found that bereaved pet owners commonly described loneliness, embarrassment, lack of social support, and a sense that their grief was not fully understood or acknowledged by others (Park et al., 2023). Another qualitative systematic review found that people's experiences included profound grief as well as guilt, difficulties finding support, and questions about how to move forward after the loss (Cleary et al., 2022).

If you are grieving a pet, the depth of your grief does not mean that something is wrong with you. It may simply reflect how meaningful the relationship was.

Why Does Losing a Pet Hurt So Much?

The death of a pet is more than the loss of an animal who lived in your home. It can mean losing a relationship that was part of your everyday life.

Pets can become closely integrated into family routines. Feeding them, walking them, letting them outside, playing with them, sitting together on the couch, or simply knowing they are nearby can become part of the structure of a day.

When that presence suddenly disappears, the absence can be felt everywhere.

You may instinctively reach for the leash when it is time for a walk. You may expect to hear paws moving across the floor. You may come home and momentarily expect to see your pet waiting for you. These ordinary moments can become unexpected reminders that they are gone.

The relationship itself can also hold enormous emotional significance. A pet may have been beside you through a divorce, illness, loneliness, a move, the birth of a child, a difficult period at work, or countless ordinary days that became meaningful simply because you shared them.

Research suggests that the strength of the attachment to a pet is an important factor in the intensity of grief. A recent study of pet bereavement found that attachment to the animal was the strongest predictor of grief severity, while social constraints around expressing grief also contributed to distress (Demirci et al., 2025).

In other words, there is no single "appropriate" amount of grief for losing a pet. The relationship you had with that animal matters.

When Other People Do Not Understand Your Grief

One of the particularly painful aspects of pet loss is that the people around you may not understand why you are struggling so much.

You may hear comments intended to be helpful but that leave you feeling worse. Someone might tell you that you can always get another dog. Someone else may compare the loss to something else and suggest that you should be feeling better by now.

This kind of social response can make grief feel lonely.

Researchers often describe this as disenfranchised grief, meaning that a loss is not fully recognized, supported, or socially acknowledged. Pet loss is frequently described this way in the research literature (Cleary et al., 2022; Park et al., 2023).

That does not mean everyone who loses a pet experiences disenfranchised grief. Some people have wonderfully supportive families and friends who understand the significance of the relationship.

But if you find yourself thinking, "I don't feel like I have permission to be this upset," it may be worth recognizing that social expectations can influence how comfortable people feel expressing grief.

You do not need someone else to determine whether your relationship with your pet was important enough to mourn.

Guilt After the Death of a Pet

Guilt can be one of the most difficult parts of pet loss.

You may wonder whether you noticed something soon enough, whether you made the right treatment decision, whether you should have taken your pet to the veterinarian sooner, or whether there was something else you could have done.

For people whose pets were euthanized, these questions can become particularly painful.

Choosing euthanasia can involve an agonizing balance between wanting more time with your companion and wanting to prevent suffering. Even when a decision was made carefully and with love, it can be difficult to know afterward whether it was the "right" time.

Research examining end-of-life decision-making for companion animals has identified guilt, uncertainty, caregiver burden, and anticipatory grief as factors that can surround euthanasia decisions (Spitznagel et al., 2020).

This does not mean that euthanasia inevitably causes complicated grief. Rather, it reminds us that the circumstances surrounding a pet's death can influence how people experience the loss.

If guilt has become part of your grief, talking through what happened can sometimes help you separate responsibility from hindsight. Looking back after a death gives us information we did not necessarily have when the decision had to be made.

You made the decision with the information, circumstances, and emotional resources available to you at the time.

When the House Feels Different

After a pet dies, even familiar routines can suddenly feel strange.

There may be an empty bed in the corner of the room. The food bowl may still be sitting in its usual place. Walks that used to structure your morning or evening may no longer happen. You may find yourself listening for sounds that are no longer there.

This disruption can be particularly difficult because pets are often part of so many small, repetitive moments throughout the day.

The loss may also affect your sense of identity. Someone who has spent years thinking of themselves as a dog mom, cat dad, animal lover, or caregiver may suddenly find that an important part of daily life has disappeared.

These changes can take time to adjust to. Grief is not only about missing the animal. It can also involve adjusting to a life that looks different without them.

Learn more about grief therapy

Continuing Your Bond With Your Pet

After a pet dies, many people find comfort in maintaining a connection with them.

That might mean keeping photographs, displaying a collar or favourite toy, talking about memories, visiting a meaningful place, creating a memorial, or simply continuing to think about the ways the animal changed your life.

Research on continuing bonds after pet loss suggests that these connections can take many forms and may sometimes provide comfort and support. At the same time, the research is mixed, and continuing bonds can also intensify grief for some people, particularly when the loss feels socially unrecognized (Cordaro, 2022).

There is no single right way to remember a pet.

For one person, creating a photo album may feel comforting. For another, writing a letter to their pet may provide a way to express everything that was left unsaid. Someone else may want to plant a tree, create a piece of artwork, make a donation to an animal rescue organization, or simply keep a favourite photograph nearby.

The purpose is not to prevent yourself from moving forward. It is to acknowledge that the relationship mattered.

Helping Children Grieve the Loss of a Pet

For children, the death of a pet may be their first meaningful experience of death.

That can make the loss especially significant. Children are learning not only that someone they love has died, but also what adults do when someone dies, how grief feels, and whether difficult emotions can be talked about openly.

It is generally helpful to use clear, age-appropriate language when explaining death. Euphemisms such as saying that a pet "went to sleep" can create confusion, particularly for younger children. Children may need straightforward explanations and repeated opportunities to ask questions.

They may also return to the same questions several times. This is not necessarily a sign that they are not understanding. Repetition can be part of how children make sense of something that is difficult to comprehend.

Children can experience grief differently from adults. They may cry intensely one moment and then want to play the next. They may ask practical questions that seem surprising to adults. They may become clingier, irritable, quiet, or unusually worried.

Rather than expecting a child to grieve in one particular way, it can help to create space for their questions and emotions.

A goodbye ritual can also give children a way to participate in the loss. Drawing a picture, writing a letter, creating a memory box, planting something in the pet's honour, or holding a small family ceremony can provide a tangible way to acknowledge the relationship.

Pet loss should not be trivialized for children. Research examining children's relationships with companion animals has emphasized that pet bereavement can be a meaningful experience and should be taken seriously (Daly & Morton, 2023).

Finding Your Way Through Pet Loss

There is no universal timeline for grieving a pet.

Some people begin to feel more like themselves after several weeks. For others, the grief remains intense for much longer. The circumstances of the death, the strength of the relationship, previous losses, social support, and many other factors can influence the experience.

Research on pet bereavement identifies a range of coping responses, including seeking social support, maintaining continuing bonds, memorializing the animal, connecting with other animals, and sometimes withdrawing from others (Park et al., 2023).

What matters is finding forms of support that genuinely help rather than feeling pressured to grieve in a particular way.

You might need to talk about your pet repeatedly. You might need some quiet time. You might find comfort in photographs or memories. You might want to return to your normal routines quickly, or you might need time before everyday activities feel familiar again.

There is room for all of these experiences.

It can also help to take care of the basics while you are grieving. Eating regularly, getting enough rest, spending some time outside, and maintaining some connection with other people can provide structure when everything else feels unsettled.

And if you are struggling, reaching out for support is not an indication that your grief is excessive. It is an indication that the loss matters to you.

When Pet Loss Becomes Overwhelming

Grief itself is not a mental illness, and experiencing intense sadness after the death of a beloved pet does not automatically mean that you have a psychological disorder.

At the same time, grief can sometimes become so overwhelming that it significantly affects someone's ability to function.

Research suggests that some people experiencing pet loss can develop substantial grief-related impairment alongside symptoms such as depression, loneliness, and sleep difficulties (Lee et al., 2020).

If you are finding it increasingly difficult to work, sleep, care for yourself, connect with others, or participate in everyday life, professional support may be worth considering.

Therapy does not mean that you are trying to "get over" your pet.

Instead, counselling can provide a place where the relationship and the loss can be taken seriously. It can give you room to talk about guilt, loneliness, anger, sadness, or complicated feelings surrounding the circumstances of the death.

It can also help you gradually rebuild daily life while finding ways to carry the meaning of the relationship with you.

How Authentic Living London Can Help With Pet Loss

At Authentic Living London, we understand that the death of a beloved pet can be a profound loss.

Our therapists provide a compassionate, non-judgmental space where you can talk openly about your relationship with your pet and the impact of their death. There is no need to minimize the relationship or explain why you are grieving.

Counselling can be particularly helpful when you are struggling with guilt or regret, feeling isolated because others do not understand your loss, having difficulty adjusting to life without your companion, or simply needing somewhere to talk about what happened.

We offer grief counselling in London, Ontario, as well as virtual counselling for clients across Ontario.

Whether your pet died recently or you are still carrying a significant sense of loss long afterward, you deserve a space where that grief can be acknowledged and understood.

Remembering a Life That Mattered

When a beloved pet dies, there is no need to pretend that the relationship was insignificant simply because it was with an animal.

Your pet may have been part of your daily life for years. They may have been there through some of your happiest memories and some of your hardest days. They may have provided companionship when you needed it most.

Their death can leave a very real absence.

Grieving that absence is not a sign that you are taking the loss too seriously. It is one way of recognizing that the relationship mattered.

Over time, the sharpness of the loss may change. Memories that initially bring tears may eventually bring a smile. The empty space in the house may become familiar. You may find yourself able to talk about your pet with both sadness and gratitude.

There is no need to rush that process.

If you are grieving the loss of a beloved pet and would like support, Authentic Living London is here to help. Call 226-224-0301 or email info@authenticlivinglondon.com to learn more about grief counselling in London, Ontario.

Author, Jeanette Leroux, MSW, specializes in grief therapy, including end-of-life issues and pet loss. She offers virtual psychotherapy at Authentic Living London.

References

Cleary, M., West, S., Thapa, D. K., Westman, M., Vesk, K., & Kornhaber, R. (2022). Grieving the loss of a pet: A qualitative systematic review. Death Studies, 46(9), 2167–2178. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2021.1901799

Cordaro, M. (2022). The impact of continuing bonds between pet owners and their pets following the death of their pet: A systematic narrative synthesis. OMEGA—Journal of Death and Dying, 86(3), 1043–1065. https://doi.org/10.1177/00302228221125955

Daly, B., & Morton, L. (2023). Are children and dogs best friends? A scoping review to explore the positive and negative effects of child-dog interactions. Animals, 13(2), 258. https://doi.org/10.3390/ani13020258

Demirci, Ö., Yüksel, Ö., & Meral, Y. (2025). Bound by society: An exploratory study of pet attachment and social constraints in pet bereavement among a Turkish sample. Death Studies. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2025.2604581

Lee, S. A. (2020). Does the DSM-5 grief disorder apply to owners of deceased pets? A psychometric study of impairment during pet loss. Psychiatry Research, 287, 112800. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2020.112800

Park, R. M., Royal, K. D., & Gruen, M. E. (2023). A literature review: Pet bereavement and coping mechanisms. Journal of Applied Animal Welfare Science, 26(3), 285–299. https://doi.org/10.1080/10888705.2021.1934839

Spitznagel, M. B., Jacobson, D. M., Cox, M. D., Carlson, M. D., Carlson, A. R., & Frank, D. (2020). Euthanasia from the veterinary client's perspective: Psychosocial contributors to euthanasia decision making. Veterinary Clinics of North America: Small Animal Practice, 50(3), 539–550. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cvsm.2020.01.005