Letting Go, Holding On: A Gentle Guide to Releasing a Loved One’s Belongings

When someone you love dies, their belongings can feel like sacred treasures — a final link to the person you miss so deeply. A sweater still carrying their scent, a coffee mug they used every morning, a stack of letters written in their handwriting.

Letting go of these items can feel impossible. And truthfully, you don’t have to do it all at once — or at all. Releasing belongings is not about erasing your loved one. It’s about finding a balance between holding on to what matters and making space for your own healing.

At Authentic Living London, we understand that grief is deeply personal. There’s no right or wrong way to navigate this process. This guide offers gentle steps to help you decide what to keep, what to let go of, and how to move forward with love.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Take Your Time

Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. You may feel ready to go through belongings a week after the funeral, or it may take years. Both are normal. The important thing is to avoid forcing yourself before you’re ready. If you’re not sure, start small. Choose one drawer, one box, or one shelf.

2. Keep the Items That Hold the Most Meaning

Not everything your loved one owned needs to be saved. Choose the pieces that truly connect you to their memory. This might be:

• A piece of jewelry they wore every day

• A favourite book with their notes in the margins

• A recipe card in their handwriting. These can become touchstones of comfort, reminders of their life and your connection.

3. Find New Ways to Honour What You Let Go

Letting go doesn’t have to mean forgetting. You can photograph certain items before donating or giving them away. Some people create memory quilts from clothing or turn fabric into keepsake pillows. Others hold a small gathering where friends and family can choose items that remind them of your loved one.

4. Watch for Emotional Burnout

Sorting through belongings can bring up waves of sadness, anger, guilt, and even relief. It’s okay to stop if it becomes too overwhelming. Schedule breaks, drink water, and ask someone you trust to be with you during the process. Sometimes having another person there can ground you when emotions feel heavy.

5. Remember, This Is Part of Your Healing, Not a Test of Love

Holding on to everything doesn’t mean you loved more. Letting go doesn’t mean you loved less. The items themselves aren’t the love; they are reminders of it. That love is carried inside you, and it will always remain.

6. Create a “Maybe Later” Box

If you’re unsure about certain items, place them in a box and store it somewhere safe. Revisit it after a few months or even a year. Time can bring clarity, and you may find it easier to decide when emotions aren’t as raw.

7. Share Stories as You Sort

Invite family or friends to help you and share memories as you go through belongings. Telling stories about the items can turn a difficult process into one that celebrates your loved one’s life, keeping their memory alive in conversation.

8. Keep a Piece in Your Daily Life

Choose one or two special items you can incorporate into your everyday routine, like wearing their watch, using their mug for morning coffee, or hanging their favourite artwork. This allows you to carry their presence with you in small but meaningful ways.

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When It’s Hard to Do Alone

Sometimes, the grief tied to a loved one’s belongings is too big to navigate by yourself. Talking with a therapist who understands loss can make the process less overwhelming. At Authentic Living London, our grief-trained therapists, many with lived experience of loss, can sit with you in the hardest moments, help you explore what feels right for you, and guide you toward making choices without guilt or pressure.

You don’t have to rush. You don’t have to do it alone. If you’re ready for gentle, compassionate support as you move through grief, book a session with us today.

📍 In-person in London, Ontario, or virtual across Ontario.